Exercising Self-Control on Social Media

I wonder how often you’ve experienced a strong emotion rise up in you, compelling you to speak out about something you’ve just heard or read?

Something has been said (or written) that just gets to us, and we feel that we must say something about it. Now.

Yes, something wrong or off may have been said. Maybe it was something deeply hurtful that never should have been said in the first place. Or something nuanced that needed deeper explanation. But it’s also quite possible that we just misunderstood the person.

So, we blurt something out or leave a comment.

Often the fruit of such hasty, haphazard words are like sword thrusts. We weaponize our words out of hurt, offense, or pride, and they end up hurting other people.

On a regular basis, I’m seeing these types of reactive responses online. Commentary is posted, and the responses often take minutes (or less) to start showing up.

Quick replies are easy to post, and the weaponized, emotional words are often evidently lacking in authorial self-control.

Soon, snark abounds, zingers fly, the Caps Lock key gets pressed, and the melee commences in earnest as social media adepts spread the barbs to countless ready-to-be-offended parties who are all looking to take sides and verbally slash the other team.

As Christians, how do we navigate situations like this? How do we engage social media and real-life conversations without knee-jerk reactions to provoking words?

Look to the Word

Not surprisingly, the Lord has a few things to say to us about situations like this. Just because social media is new doesn’t mean that issues of the heart are new. We should apply the same wisdom that we do to interpersonal relationships.

When we’re provoked, in that moment of self- righteous passion rising up inside, we’re not fit to speak.

Here’s how I know:

“Do you see a man who is hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him.”

(Pr. 29:20)

 

 “Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly.”

(Pr. 14:29)

A temper refers to the constitution of our mind, particularly as it relates to our passions and affections.

So, in those moments after hearing or reading something, what is the constitution of your mind? Are you provoked to anger, offense, or hurt?

If so, it’s highly likely that your words and mine will be like swords, and that folly will be demonstrated if we respond right then.

If we react, we should not act surprised when we experience regret, or when we hurt someone, or cause confusion.

God has given us emotions for His glory and as a means to accomplish various purposes under the banner of His glory. One purpose of our emotions is to act as a warning light that something is off either inside of us our outside of us. So, we should pay attention. We would be *wise* to pay attention.

“Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.”

Pr. 4:23

When we obey the Lord and pay attention to what is happening in our heart, we can wisely slow down and go before Him to assess the situation. And as we do, He’ll help us see what’s in our heart, about to flow out.

Helpful questions to ask with Him can include:

• why am I responding this way (angry/hurt/sad, etc.)?
• did those words touch a wound that has not yet been healed by You?
• why do I want to respond to what was said/written?
• do I even need to respond to what was said?

In my interpersonal relationships, I’ve found that taking time to sit before the Lord with His word open is both necessary and valuable. In fact, I believed it’s saved many a heartache and regret. There have been times when, in this process, the Lord has convicted me of pride or self-righteousness. Or, He’s helped me to see that I simply wasn’t seeing the whole situation. He’s also helped me to understand that part of why He allowed me to hear the words were to pray for the other person.

There are times when I indeed am responding with righteous anger. But you see, sometimes, without taking the time to slow down and flesh it out before the Lord, I’m not sure.

You should know that I’m extremely sensitive. I’m not sharing this with you as one who doesn’t know first-hand how easy it is to have a knee-jerk reaction and want to speak right away. Nor am I speaking as one who has mastered this! But I’m speaking out of a place in which I’ve persistently sought the fruit of  self-control. And, I’ve not done it alone. I’ve been helped many times by the Holy Spirit, my husband, and trusted friends and counselors

As you engage in conversation with the Lord about how you participate online, He’ll be faithful to direct your steps! For the what it’s worth department, when I’m working through something in real life, my general rule of thumb is to take at least a week to pray through a situation. Ps 139, Ps 51, and Ps 37 are great places to begin to invite the Lord into the situation.

After the week is up, sometimes I find that I need to continue in prayer because I’m unsure of what to do. Or, I may still feel the need to say something. But, because of intensive time with the Lord about the matter, there’s much more humility, gentleness, and care involved.

But as I eluded to above, there are times that I don’t end up saying anything at all. The timing isn’t right, the Lord wants me to pray for the person, or the Lord needs to do some deeper work in my own heart.

Making this a practice in the sphere of interpersonal relationships in everyday life should spill over into the sphere of online relationships.

Keeping Our Hearts

Whether it’s online or in interpersonal relationships, you and I have a responsibility to keep our hearts, to be careful with our words, and to give *grace* to those who hear us speak. I’m concerned that with the distance screens gives us from each other, we don’t exercise the same sort of self-control that we do when we’re in person.

Whether we’re in a conversation with a friend or a family member, or online, we have the choice to navigate difficult conversations in a manner that is pleasing to the Lord. We don’t have to react. We don’t have to pound the keys, sending swords thrusts into the internet.

Yes, in many ways, social media is very “right now.” If you exercise self-control in the moment and don’t comment or post, but go to the Lord about it, it’s likely you’ll never go back to the thing that provoked you in the first place. Is that so bad?

I’m reminded of Proverbs 14:33,

“Wisdom rests in the heart of a man of understanding,

but it makes itself known even in the midst of fools.”

A wise person can rest. A wise person slows down to assess her heart, and can move past those things that might be a bit like a clanging symbol or sword thrusts to her own heart. She also recognizes that haste doesn’t usually lead to anything productive. She can always go back to the person later.

In the online world, words are often flung faster than we can read them. I think we’d be wise to consider what things we should read, experience a moment of grief over, and just keep moving past. Pay attention to if it nags at you, and ask the Lord for His input.

May the Lord help us to slow down so that in “whatever [we] do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him” (Col. 3:17).