Joyful Endurance

34 weeks pregnant with a head cold so bad that I cannot breathe at all through my nose that has major sinus pressure, a frog voice with a yucky cough and general malaise all week long has been trying.  Not to mention two sick kids, a few broken household appliances and unexpected expenses costing over $1,000 that have cropped up in the same week.

We have been tried this week in a major way, pressed in on every side.

In the midst of this sickness (and other things mentioned) I’ve been thinking a lot about endurance—because I’ve sure been in need of it.  I hate being sick.  Everything is harder for a mama because the world doesn’t slow to a standstill for me, like it can for others in the family.  Being pregnant makes it a bit worse.  It’s easy for me to become easily irritated, angry with others in my family, and to have self pity.

The endurance factor has been one of concern and great thought to me.  It really matters how I respond in the moment to each of these very real difficult circumstances.

If I fail in the midst of a temporary (but miserable) cold to maintain joy and endure in a way that reflects Jesus and pleases Him…how in the world will I do it if a child is ever taken from me, my house is destroyed by a storm, or something worse?  If I choose to be offended at God for His sovereign hand in allowing this sickness, a broken car, disposal, etc., I cannot expect to accept with joyful endurance something much harder.  And I’m certain much harder things will come my way.

He’s giving me practice.  He’s allowing me opportunity to train my muscles to respond more quickly, with more strength in my inner man for the next time I’m tried–to call out to Him that much more quickly, to feed on His Word that much sooner, to recognize and destroy anything that doesn’t line up with His Word rapidly.  My fast twitch spiritual muscles are being exhausted so that the next time, they’ll be a little stronger.  My slow twitch muscles are being trained through the duration of this sickness so that they will have endurance for the next marathon.

This last week I sent several texts and have cried out in my froggy voice for “Help!!!!!”  (And I’ve cried a little). By Friday, it’d become so hard that I became tempted to give up and give in to the temptations toward irritation, anger, and self pity.  I don’t think the Lord expects me to be laughing in the midst of this, but I do think He desires for me to look to Him, cry out to Him, and remember all of His benefits, even in the midst of it (Psalm 103).  But I seriously needed help from others in the body—I needed them to pray for me and for them to tell me “persevere!”  I needed to be reminded of the truth because I was starting to falter.

Near-constant communion with Him has yielded such sweet fruit–and I don’t mean long stretches alone with my Bible.  I’m talking, “Help, Lord!  You are my Lord and I have no good apart from You!” Over and over again.  Psalm 16 has been a wonderful place of refuge, as I’ve reminded myself that He is my portion and that He who has sovereignly chosen for the boundary lines to fall where they have, is worthy of my worship, to set before me continually…even when I feel like crud.

I’ve even been able to laugh in the midst of all of this craziness—because it’s all so stinkin’ momentary!

I am not through this sickness yet and we’ve had to decide what to repair and what to let go for now.  In the midst, I’m looking ahead to the very exciting time of welcoming a new baby into our family, and the very real challenges that will accompany it (labor, recovery, nursing, possibly nursing issues, sibling transition, etc. etc.) and it’s easy to quickly become overwhelmed.

But, the Lord has continually been calling me to lift my gaze and keep it on Him.  He will see me through each of these things and will also be faithful to prepare me to walk through them, even helping me in the midst.  All unto joyful endurance, allowing the beauty of Jesus to be magnified in my life.

He is after my heart in all these things and I want to be counted faithful in the end.

Edit:  Credit needs to be given where credit is due!  While endurance is indeed a call throughout Scripture, I’m indebted to dear people whom the Lord has put in my life to teach me, help me see what it looks like to really pursue this in the day to day….and who regularly spur me on in my endeavor.  You can learn from them too (and these are only a few who have an online presence!)–

Sara at Every Bitter Thing is Sweet

Nathan, our pastor, at Christ Church of Knoxville,

and Devon, his wife, over at The Dancing Key