Until Only He Remains

Ho! Every one who thirsts,

come to the waters;

And you who have no money come, buy and eat.

Come, buy wine and milk

Without money and without cost.

Why do you spend money for

what is not bread,

And your wages for what does not satisfy?

Listen carefully to Me and

eat what is good;

And delight yourself in abundance.

Incline your ear and come to Me.

Listen, that you might live…”

Isaiah 55:1-3

Truly, Lord, You are the bread of life.  You bid me come and die that I might live—no longer for my fleshly lusts, for the tempter and deceiver and killer of my soul—but for You, the giver of true, abundant life.

What I once perceived as bricks of condemnation hurled my way from You, I now rightly understand to be kind, gentle correction from a Father that leads me to repentance.  You show me my idols because You are jealous for my love.  You want to be my all in all.  You don’t need me, but You are worthy of one little soul bowing only before You, chasing after only You.

I ask for you to reveal any wicked way in me, to show me if anything stands between us.  You do, again.

I want to crumple and cry out, “When will I learn?  When will I stop chasing things that won’t satisfy?  How can you continue to pursue my soul when I make choices that lead me away from You?”

Your response to me, so gentle and tender is, “This is my love for you!  I am answering your cries, I see your weak love.  It pleases me. I want you to see these things you have chosen instead of me.  You have chosen not to believe me.  Yes, this grieves me, but what would grieve me more is for you to continue in it.  Run after me now.  I see who You will be when I am finished with You.  I don’t look at you and see marred beauty.  I see fullness of beauty. I am not surprised or full of anger toward you, Kelly.  My wrath has already been poured out.  No, I am full of compassion toward you.  I know your weak frame.  It’s why I’ve come, because I love You.”

“Kelly, listen carefully to Me and eat what is good; and delight yourself in abundance!  Incline your ear and come to Me.  Listen, that you might live.”

Yes, yes, I will listen.  Let Your voice be louder than the voice of the enemy’s charming, attractive, deceitful lies.  Let it be what I replace my own thoughts with.  I will deny myself, I will come to You.  For I do know that You are good and that You (alone) satisfy.

I will delight myself in You. As much as it hurts, as hard as it is, please continue to shake and sift until only You remain.

Oh, what joy, not despair or condemnation.  Thank You.

“The awful glimpse down into the abyss of an existence without him had so staggered and appalled her heart that she felt she could never be quite the same again.  However, it had opened her eyes to the fact that right down in the depths of her own heart she really had but one passionate desire, not for the things which the Shepherd promised, but for Himself.  All she wanted was to be allowed to follow Him forever.

Other desires might clamor strongly and fiercely nearer the surface of her nature, but she knew now that down in the core of her own being she was so shaped that nothing could fit, fill, or satisfy her heart but he himself.  “Nothing else really matters, she said to herself, only to love him and to do what he tells me.  I don’t know quite why it should be so, but it is.  All the time it is suffering to love and sorrow to love, but it is lovely to love him in spite of this,  and if I should cease to do so, I should cease to exist”  (Hinds Feet on High Places, 175-176)