A Celebration of Life

Three years ago today, my dad shed his earthly tent– rife with cancer–and met Jesus face to face. I had the privilege and opportunity to speak at his celebration service, and want to share my talk with you. A few reasons why…

My dad wasn’t perfect, and as you’ll read, we disagreed for a long time about spiritual matters. For most of his life, he walked apart from Jesus. When I knew I would stand before a room of people who expected me to share wonderful things about my dad, I wanted to be honest and truthful, and I wanted to honor him. But the truth is, there were some hard realities about my dad and my relationship with him. I spent time in prayer asking the Lord for a perspective and strategy/approach to my talk–and He answered in a more beautiful way than I imagined. So, I share my talk so as to provide a helpful grid for how you may speak of a parent, family member, or friend in a time of  grief, even when there may be a history or pain, or less than ideal circumstances.

I also knew that I’d be standing before *lots* people, most of who didn’t know Jesus. I knew of some who had rejected Him verbally. I wanted to present the gospel, and be very relatable in the process. The Lord provided me a captive audience, and I wanted to be faithful. My dad was well-loved, respected, and his death came swiftly. Death is not easy for anyone, even those who reject God. Looking back over my talk, I think I could’ve done a better job presenting the gospel.

Lastly, I want to share my talk in hopes that it might encourage someone who either has a parent that has shown little fruit in the Lord, or has passed from this earthly life, having met Jesus in their last days (like my dad). The Lord helped me to see evidences of Himself in my dad’s life, and it has continued to be a comfort and encouragement.

 

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This is a month in which we are typically intentional in reflecting on and verbalizing those things for which we are most thankful; and it seems that this November in particular, the Lord has wants us to have even more of an awareness of just how blessed we are.

And so, I want to share as thoroughly, yet briefly, as I can, just how thankful I am for my dad, and how even in his death, we can rejoice.

He is Like My Heavenly Father

I am thankful that I was blessed to spend over 34 years with him.  He is the daddy that God gave me, and he shaped me in many ways.  And as I have considered this man, I have been rejoicing over his many honorable characteristics.

The Proverbs are replete with wisdom, to those who will listen. Throughout its 31 chapters, pictures are painted to describe what wisdom looks like, sounds like, and acts like. And I see my dad there.

He was a Humble Servant Leader – “Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors, there is safety” (Pr 11:14)   “Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future” (Pr 19:20)

• The best leaders, friends, parents are those who are willing and able to humble themselves and serve others, rather than exalt their own name and demand to be served

He was Diligent– “The plans of the diligent lead surely to abundance, but everyone who is hasty comes only to poverty” (Pr 21:5)

• I learned so much from my dad about the fruit that comes from being industrious, and how the only way to really see fruit is to faithfully trudge when it’s easy, when it’s hard, and when you just don’t feel like it

He was Hard-Working– “Go to the ant, O sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise. Without having any chief, officer, or ruler, she prepares her bread in summer and gathers her food for harvest” (Pr 6:6-7).

• As a mom of four, there are many demands that require constant vigilance in my home. I credit both of my parents for setting an example of a work ethic of excellence. My dad was one of the hardest working men I’ve ever known, with eyes to the future. This is honorable. These are characteristics of a man who understood and took seriously his God-given role to faithfully provide for his family, and also how to run a good business.

He was Gentle – “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Pr 15:1).

• My dad was one of the gentlest men I’ve known. I think I’ll miss this the most.

He was Kind: “Gracious words are like a honeycomb; sweetness to the soul and health to the body” (Pr 16:24)

He was Generous– “Whoever has a bountiful eye will be blessed” (Pr 22:9)

• I think gift-giving was my dad’s love language.

He was patient and slow to anger– “Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly” (Pr14:29) A fool gives full vent to his spirit; but a wise man quietly holds it back (Pr 29:11).

• Rare was the occasion when I saw my dad angry. He was a both a man of feeling and a man of self-control. He was wise in his quiet control of his words.

He was Handsome – “The glory of young men is their strength, but the splendor of old men is their gray hair” (Pr 20:29)

• Betcha didn’t know Proverbs had something to say about that!

He was Forgiving – “Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses” (Pr 10:12)

• I remember the time when I was 16 or 17, and he told me that he’d “rather me not” take his car out for the evening with friends. Instead of obeying the voice inside me that shouted “No! Don’t do it!” I borrowed his car. And, sure enough, on that dark and rainy night, a brick mailbox jumped out at me and demolished a good portion of the right side of his car. Was he angry? Yes. But his demonstration of anger was gentle and self-controlled.
• As far as I know, my dad sought to make amends with any person to whom he wronged.

He was Intelligent – “An intelligent heart acquires knowledge, and the ear of the wise seeks knowledge” (Pr 18:15)

• OKAY, WE ALL KNOW HE WAS BRILLIANT! He was a lifelong learner.

He loved people and he was a friend – “There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24).

• Friends, unlike family, are those whom you chose—and who chose you. Many of you were clients and colleagues, but also much more than that. You were a friend to my dad, and he was a friend to you. It didn’t matter how different you were from him, he genuinely cared for people. I was amazed by this during my last trip to Maryland.

He was Well-respected and had a good name – “A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches, and favor is better than silver or gold” (Pr 22:1).

He was safe – “My son, do not forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commandments, for length of days and years of life and peace they will add to you” (Pr 3:1-2).

• Because my dad loved me, because he truly had my best interest at heart, and because of so many of the characteristics I’ve already mentioned, my dad was a safe person to confide in, to go to in time of need, and to share my heart with.

He was selfless- This is not from Proverbs, but Philippians – “in humility, count others as more important than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others” (Php 2:3-4)

• I think possibly the ultimate demonstration of this was when he was sick. Not only was he concerned about how everyone was doing, but he told me that he was glad it was him and not anyone else.

He had a sense of humor and often wore a smile – A Glad heart makes a cheerful face” (Pr 15:13).

My list could go on. And from the time I’ve had to spend with some of you over the past few weeks, you know these to be true, too. That has been a real gift to me—to see how much of a gift and blessing my dad was to so many people.

I’ve taken the time to point out each of these attributes, not only because they describe my earthly Father, but my Heavenly Father, too.

My dad wasn’t perfect—none of us are—but his life points to the One who is. And just like I wanted people to know my earthly dad—to really see and appreciate him for all of who he was, I want people to know my Heavenly Father, too. In so many ways, my dad was like Him.

Daddies are supposed to make everything okay. They make everything right in the world when it’s turned upside down. Well, my dad isn’t here, and can’t make everything okay anymore. Not even my husband can give me the kind of comfort needed in this time. But my Heavenly Father can, and He is very present. He offers true comfort, peace, and rest to any of us who would humble ourselves and call on the name of His Son, Jesus Christ. Who else but the Lord can declare and keep this powerful word that Isaiah the prophet spoke–“He will swallow up death forever; and the Lord will wipe away tears from all faces?” (Isaiah 25:8). That is a very comforting word to me, and I hope it is to you, too.

I think my dad would want you to be comforted right now. In fact, he would feel really guilty if he knew that you’re hurting because of his death. I think he wants you to know, and would tell you, like he told me, that there is purpose and meaning in his tragic, premature exit from the earth.

Meaning

I’ve always felt an affinity to my dad; we were alike in so many ways. He was quiet, he loved people, he loved to help people, he was athletic, he was driven, he tried new things at the risk of failure, he was gentle, he had good taste, he was part of a band (although it’s only been my secret desire to be part of a band), he put his heart into everything he did, he enjoyed cooking, he liked to travel, he was a visionary, he had a strong sense of justice, and so much more.

But there was one thing we disagreed on for a long time: our religious beliefs. However, my dad being the gentle, respectful, safe person that he was, remained open to me. He never shut me down or called me mean names. This was another characteristic about my dad worth mentioning. He treated all people with dignity. Regardless of their degree of pleasantness, shared beliefs or lifestyles, or how a person treated him, he demonstrated the truth that all people are created in the image of God and therefore, have great worth. He didn’t merely value the outward appearance of a person, but he valued the heart.

He took the time to really listen, respectfully engage with me, and to support me, even if the end result was our disagreeing. But as he sought to understand the meaning of his cancer, and as everything was stripped away from him, he told me that he had come to agree with my deep conviction that Jesus Christ is Lord.

When suffering comes, it’s easy to get angry and believe that it’s meaningless; that it’s not accomplishing anything, and it’s easy to demand to know how a so-called “good God” could allow such suffering. It takes humility and spiritual eyes to see beyond the pain, to the greater reality that every bitter thing can be sweet. That even in the deepest suffering, there is opportunity for true life and beauty to emerge.

I am able to be sorrowful, and yet rejoice, because I believe to be true something my dad told me in one of the last times I had to spend with him: the meaning of his cancer was for him to know Jesus. And it’s for us to know Jesus, in whom all things were created, live, move, and have their being (Acts 17:28).

 

A loving parent truly wants what is best for their child. And so, sometimes love looks like allowing a child to endure difficult circumstances, rather than us sheltering them from them.  We know the value, the lessons, the character that will emerge from the crucible. Similar to when rough metal is put into a crucible, it is with the knowledge that when it emerges, it will be purer and then shaped into something far lovelier and more valuable. We have an eye to the future. We know it will hurt for a time, but we know that the end result will be far better than what the child or can see and understand in the moment. So, at the risk of being unliked by the child for a time, a loving parent does what is truly best for them.

My dad was allowed to have cancer, and then was taken from the earth.  We feel deep pain over his absence and his suffering. But if the meaning of this life and the life after is to know Jesus—and all of the joys available in Him—then consider what my dad has been given: a temporary suffering so that He could see Jesus and know Him, and, then, a quick exit into His presence where he’s no longer suffering. He no longer knows sadness, toil, heartache, discomfort, weakness, pain. Now, has been given a new body, and is experiencing fullness of joy, and pleasures forevermore. I want that for my dad, don’t you? I want that for all of us.

And so, I want to encourage you, and even implore you to consider how great a salvation there is available in the Lord Jesus Christ—the One who has given my dad the incomparable inheritance I just mentioned, for all of eternity.

Consider these words from Paul, and as you do, think of how my dad looked on the heart. And see the heart of God:

“From now on, therefore, we regard no one according to the flesh.

Even though we once regarded Christ according to the flesh, we regard him thus no longer.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.

The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation;

that is, in Christ, God was reconciling the world to himself,

not counting their trespasses against them,

and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation.

Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us.

We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God.

For our sake he made him to be sin,

so that in him we might become the righteousness of God”

(2 Corinthians 5:16-21).

My dad walked into a room and brought smiles and counsel. He gave people second, third, fourth chances. He dreamed big. All because he looked at the heart. He was a representation of the One True God, and gracious Heavenly Father who walks into a heart, generously bestowing undeserved gifts, and bringing true Life that lasts forever.

My dad was so much like Him.

In one of my last conversations with my dad, he said, “Jesus works in mysterious ways, Kelly.” So I’d like to close with a poem entitled, “God Moves in a Mysterious Way,” by William Cowper.

God moves in a mysterious way
His wonders to perform;
He plants His footsteps in the sea,
And rides upon the storm.

Deep in unfathomable mines
Of never-failing skill
He treasures up His bright designs,
And works His sovereign will.

Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take,
The clouds ye so much dread
Are big with mercy, and shall break
In blessings on your head.

Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,
But trust Him for His grace;
Behind a frowning providence
He hides a smiling face.

His purposes will ripen fast,
Unfolding every hour;
The bud may have a bitter taste,
But sweet will be the flower.

Blind unbelief is sure to err,
And scan his work in vain;
God is His own interpreter,
And He will make it plain.

 

Thank you for loving my dad, and for showing your support to us, his family, by being here today.